Here I am writing again! I am sincerely happy to just be writing my thoughts once more. My enthusiasm is sometimes uncontainable.
So I am currently at the airport in SD, getting ready to fly to SF. Of course, the flight was delayed by 2 hours, so now I'm sitting in the airport with my little brother. He’s not little though, he’s 6’4” 290. XD He was accepted in to Arizona State as a transfer student, which is awesome. He’ll be majoring in sociology, but he’s taking hard science classes with the intent to apply to phram schools. I’m actually happy, he is the one in the family my mom was worried about the most.
In terms of Asian mother expectations and how we have fared as her children, let’s go down the list:
1. Our oldest sister was a paralegal for a high level firm before she married a radiologist. (He makes 300k+ a year, so that works out. Mom gives an A)
2. Our middle oldest sister was the rebel. She studied theatre in college…but then she came back to reality and went back for a computer science degree. (Computer programmer/website builder. Mom gives a B+)
3. My youngest older sister is definitely the family favorite. Double major in Bio and history, and she’s an F-18 Fighter Pilot for the US Marine Corps. First vietnamese female to fly F-18’s, and I think jets, ever. Definitely the first vietnamese aviator for the Marines. (My mom has a board with pictures of my sis in her uniform, giving speeches, flying her jet, etc., which she carries around so she can brag to friends. She’s also thinking of going to med school while in the military. So She’s pretty much an A+++)
4. Myself. I majored in Mechanical Engineering. You’d think any engineering would be good enough, but not for mom. She wanted me to go in to computer engineering. I would have, but I don’t like programming. >.> Now I’m attending law school in the fall. Is that good enough? Not really. I guess I was the smartest of all the kids when I was young, and she had hopes that I would be the one to become the doctor. Unfortunately, I don’t think I could handle being a doctor. The thought of dealing with sick and dying people for a living is…too depressing for me? I would literally be sad all day long. Not to mention that I don’t like studying biology. Nope, I’m going to become a patent attorney. Ideally, I would help with alternative energy patents, and help engineers and inventors protect their ideas while promoting technological advancement in the US as a whole. I love formulating arguments, I love writing, I love to help others, and I love learning about new technologies and ideas! So this seems like the perfect route for me. (Some Vietnamese moms would kill to have a son or daughter be an engineering lawyer. Mine wouldn’t. B/B+)
5. My little brother. He was a rebel as a child. He refused to learn math, and I got annoyed trying to teach him because he always forgot how to do problems and didn’t care. (Then again, my teaching methods may not have been the best. Have you ever seen a nine year old try to teach a seven year old algebra? If you were my parents you would have! Only in homeschool lol.) I remember seeing my mom cry some days when he wouldn’t do math. >.> Anyway, after hs he went to UC Irvine for freshman year, but he had a hard time, so he came back to do CC at home. Then his luck turned for the worse. He lost 2 years due to budget cuts, incompetent counselors, and the changing of requirements for admission to SDSU. He’s in better shape now though. He applied to ASU and happened to get in, which is awesome. And he intends to pursue Pharmacy school. By becoming a pharmacist, he will have exceeded my mom’s expectations, and she would be extremely happy. (So If he gets into pharm school, A. If he doesn’t…sad mom.)
I’m ranking myself pretty low, primarily because I am still in school. And I will be saddled with a huge student loan debt. I absolutely want to be at the top of my class, so I will be able to get a high paying job. Because I want to make enough money so that my parents can retire. And I want my parents to buy a house. They’ve worked hard enough, in my opinion. I will have 100% focus, so that I will find that job, and I will send home tons of money so my parents can stop working.
That’s the plan! If successful, that should bring me up to the A+ level. Because then I will be the highest paid son/daughter in the family muahahahahaha.
Anyway, that’s my writing for the day. I am still excited that I can write again, I will think of even more topics to think about in the coming days!
Be Happy!
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Post # 1
I am a writer. People are born with many different abilities; I think some are given a single natural ability which they can use to best express their ideas, their emotions, and their souls: it could be art, song, dance, athletic competition, talking, speech, humor, etc.
For me, it is writing. Never am I able to say exactly what I want to say except when I write words. When I think in terms of words, my mind loses it's limitations. My ideas flow endlessly, they are communicated perfectly, and I am happy.
This is not the first draft. I have attempted to write this post many times. There was a time when I was much younger, and I could write regularly. I blogged. A xanga. (Not a livejournal, because I am half asian! ) I could honestly and openly express my thoughts as I entered in to adulthood. I wrote blogs on my definition of happiness, love, and on my dreams. I wrote on my successes, my failures, and my frustrations. It was my outlet, something I couldn't do without.
During my freshman year in college, I went through some intense dramatic circumstances. By the end of it, I suppressed many of my emotions, changed my name from Andrew to AJ, and I eventually refused to drink alcohol. I wanted to become different, to be a badass.
I became tougher, got a part-time job, found a gf, etc etc...I gained badass-ness, but it came at a cost: I couldn't write. I tried to honestly give words to my feelings and emotions, but I could express nothing. Over the past six years, I made many attempts. I created and recreated blogs, and I tried to recapture my writing. Nothing.
Until today. Suddenly I found myself writing, and writing while at work. At first, I filled up a post-it note...then two. Then I switched to my notepad, and I wrote three more full pages. I was not getting work done, but I was writing out how I felt, and it felt great. No, better than great! It feels like a great burden has been lifted off my shoulders! I am once again able to experience a feeling I had long forgotten. The barrier to my writing has been lifted: I am free, and I will not waste it.
I think I know why I can write now. For the first time in a long time, I think I can say: I'm in love.
It's interesting how being in love can make you experience so many different feelings. The excitement and happiness you feel when you get to see, hear, or speak to her. The uncertain hope that she has the same feelings in return. The anxiety that comes while waiting for her next call, her next message, her next email, her next text. The fear of possibly losing her friendship by trying to take the next step. It is exhilarating.
I am so happy and relieved, I can't believe that I am still writing even now. Even if it turns out she's not in love with me, I would still be okay. Of course unrequited loves always hurts, and I'd have to deal with a broken heart. But having my writing and expression back is an irreplaceable gift, and I would always be thankful to her for giving me that.
I can't giver her all the credit though. There are many, many types of love. Love from a mother, love from family, love from friends, and love from God. My romantic interest may have been the tipping point, but I am certain that the abundance of love that I've felt in the past several weeks has also contributed.
----
Warning, I will talk about my faith a little bit here. If faith offends you, please skip to next paragraph ;P My love for God has become much stronger. I was invited to a friends church (a church of Christ) back in April. I realized once again how having faith and prayers can fill in that missing part of you. I decided to do something each month to honor God, while disciplining myself. I went vegetarian for the month of may. I wanted to prove "I can do all things through God who strengthens me." So I gave up something that seems impossible to give up. And when I craved it, I would just pray instead. This month, I will stay disciplined and go swimming 12 times. I haven't decided what I will do for July yet, but I'm sure it will come.
-----
The love from my family and my parents and my brother and sisters has always been a constant. I don't have to worry, I know I will always have a place to go to. This is something that I'm really, really grateful for. When I have a family of my own, I will make sure that it continues as mine is now. My kids will know that, no matter what they've done or what they believe, they will always be lovingly welcomed and supported at home. Well, I would change some stuff. For example, i will never, ever homeschool my kids. XD Worst idea ever.
Finally, this has been an awesome couple weeks hanging out with just my friends. Especially my commuter ones. I was worried when I graduated, who would take over the club? Will it just end after I'm gone? There's no one to step up it seemed. Now i realize how ridiculous that was. Several people stepped up, in a spectacular way that I never expected. I was so, so happy after talking to them, and seeing how they too care, and how they too are looking towards the future and worrying about who will take over.
I think all this love, combined with the approach of the impending hell that will be law school, created this change in me, that has once again allowed me to write. It also makes me want to leave San Diego less and less.
There is a chance that I may be accepted off the wait list at USD. I will attend part time while continuing to work at my job. Which is going great. I really like the people I work with, and my boss, once again is amazing. I think I've had a lucky work life: Every boss that I've ever had has helped me out and supported me tremendously. He spent some time calling around, trying to hook up connections to get me in to USD law. Because he wants me to stay in San Diego and keep working for him.
If I don't get off the wait list at USD, or university of Washington, or George Washington University, I will be going to Seattle U Law. I love Seattle, and I have sisters up there to help me. But the love I feel down here in San Diego is irreplaceable. Even if I do law school elsewhere, I think I want to come back here.
Of course it helps that both of my best friends have told me they intend to stay in San Diego for life. XD
I think...that is a lot of info for one blog post. The story is incomplete, but this is a blog, every entry should always end with "...too be continued." But it's okay, this is really more for my own expression than anything else. At the same time keeping a personal journal that no one else can see doesn't make sense either. (It's like dancing or singing, but always by yourself. Expression is best when there are people to express too, in my opinion) It's unlikely that many people will read this anyway, but the thought that someone might be reading is enough expression for me. I think I will add the link to my fb, but I won't make a production/fanfare out of it. If you have any thoughts, feel free to post them in the comments below. Or you can just silently stalk me, it's all the same. =)
Be Happy!
For me, it is writing. Never am I able to say exactly what I want to say except when I write words. When I think in terms of words, my mind loses it's limitations. My ideas flow endlessly, they are communicated perfectly, and I am happy.
This is not the first draft. I have attempted to write this post many times. There was a time when I was much younger, and I could write regularly. I blogged. A xanga. (Not a livejournal, because I am half asian! ) I could honestly and openly express my thoughts as I entered in to adulthood. I wrote blogs on my definition of happiness, love, and on my dreams. I wrote on my successes, my failures, and my frustrations. It was my outlet, something I couldn't do without.
During my freshman year in college, I went through some intense dramatic circumstances. By the end of it, I suppressed many of my emotions, changed my name from Andrew to AJ, and I eventually refused to drink alcohol. I wanted to become different, to be a badass.
I became tougher, got a part-time job, found a gf, etc etc...I gained badass-ness, but it came at a cost: I couldn't write. I tried to honestly give words to my feelings and emotions, but I could express nothing. Over the past six years, I made many attempts. I created and recreated blogs, and I tried to recapture my writing. Nothing.
Until today. Suddenly I found myself writing, and writing while at work. At first, I filled up a post-it note...then two. Then I switched to my notepad, and I wrote three more full pages. I was not getting work done, but I was writing out how I felt, and it felt great. No, better than great! It feels like a great burden has been lifted off my shoulders! I am once again able to experience a feeling I had long forgotten. The barrier to my writing has been lifted: I am free, and I will not waste it.
I think I know why I can write now. For the first time in a long time, I think I can say: I'm in love.
It's interesting how being in love can make you experience so many different feelings. The excitement and happiness you feel when you get to see, hear, or speak to her. The uncertain hope that she has the same feelings in return. The anxiety that comes while waiting for her next call, her next message, her next email, her next text. The fear of possibly losing her friendship by trying to take the next step. It is exhilarating.
I am so happy and relieved, I can't believe that I am still writing even now. Even if it turns out she's not in love with me, I would still be okay. Of course unrequited loves always hurts, and I'd have to deal with a broken heart. But having my writing and expression back is an irreplaceable gift, and I would always be thankful to her for giving me that.
I can't giver her all the credit though. There are many, many types of love. Love from a mother, love from family, love from friends, and love from God. My romantic interest may have been the tipping point, but I am certain that the abundance of love that I've felt in the past several weeks has also contributed.
----
Warning, I will talk about my faith a little bit here. If faith offends you, please skip to next paragraph ;P My love for God has become much stronger. I was invited to a friends church (a church of Christ) back in April. I realized once again how having faith and prayers can fill in that missing part of you. I decided to do something each month to honor God, while disciplining myself. I went vegetarian for the month of may. I wanted to prove "I can do all things through God who strengthens me." So I gave up something that seems impossible to give up. And when I craved it, I would just pray instead. This month, I will stay disciplined and go swimming 12 times. I haven't decided what I will do for July yet, but I'm sure it will come.
-----
The love from my family and my parents and my brother and sisters has always been a constant. I don't have to worry, I know I will always have a place to go to. This is something that I'm really, really grateful for. When I have a family of my own, I will make sure that it continues as mine is now. My kids will know that, no matter what they've done or what they believe, they will always be lovingly welcomed and supported at home. Well, I would change some stuff. For example, i will never, ever homeschool my kids. XD Worst idea ever.
Finally, this has been an awesome couple weeks hanging out with just my friends. Especially my commuter ones. I was worried when I graduated, who would take over the club? Will it just end after I'm gone? There's no one to step up it seemed. Now i realize how ridiculous that was. Several people stepped up, in a spectacular way that I never expected. I was so, so happy after talking to them, and seeing how they too care, and how they too are looking towards the future and worrying about who will take over.
I think all this love, combined with the approach of the impending hell that will be law school, created this change in me, that has once again allowed me to write. It also makes me want to leave San Diego less and less.
There is a chance that I may be accepted off the wait list at USD. I will attend part time while continuing to work at my job. Which is going great. I really like the people I work with, and my boss, once again is amazing. I think I've had a lucky work life: Every boss that I've ever had has helped me out and supported me tremendously. He spent some time calling around, trying to hook up connections to get me in to USD law. Because he wants me to stay in San Diego and keep working for him.
If I don't get off the wait list at USD, or university of Washington, or George Washington University, I will be going to Seattle U Law. I love Seattle, and I have sisters up there to help me. But the love I feel down here in San Diego is irreplaceable. Even if I do law school elsewhere, I think I want to come back here.
Of course it helps that both of my best friends have told me they intend to stay in San Diego for life. XD
I think...that is a lot of info for one blog post. The story is incomplete, but this is a blog, every entry should always end with "...too be continued." But it's okay, this is really more for my own expression than anything else. At the same time keeping a personal journal that no one else can see doesn't make sense either. (It's like dancing or singing, but always by yourself. Expression is best when there are people to express too, in my opinion) It's unlikely that many people will read this anyway, but the thought that someone might be reading is enough expression for me. I think I will add the link to my fb, but I won't make a production/fanfare out of it. If you have any thoughts, feel free to post them in the comments below. Or you can just silently stalk me, it's all the same. =)
Be Happy!
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